What a truckload of potential pain we take on when we love another human being.

To have so much of your life energy invested into a loved one who is then gone - of course you will find yourself face down... disabled for a time. 

But the love and joy you shared will form an underlying strength that will help you deal with the loss.

The intensity of grief (which WILL moderate in time) mirrors the intensity of your shared love.

And that love will continue to beam through your life and nourish all that you do and are.

(Paraphrased using Martha Hickman's Meditations on Grief March 18)

Choosing to live after you've lost your dearest love is a constant effort.

Grief makes you want to give up... to escape.

But you mustn't give up. You still have your life to live. And you have the ability to make it meaningful.

Don't give up. Keep believing that you WILL feel better and be better in the future than you are now.

Keep choosing to live and keep watering that seed of hope. As the hope blooms and grows, so do you.

When you lose someone you dearly love, you can't help but wonder, "HOW am I going to survive? HOW am I going to live without him/her for the rest of forever?"

It's natural for these questions to be on repeat in your head. But they can make you so frustrated and upset as there's no reasonable answer.

As often as you can, try to think more about what:

What can I do to honor my loved one?

What can I do to find new purpose for my life?

What can I do to nurture myself / be gentle on myself?

If you need help coming up with ideas for any of these questions, let me know. I'm here for you

"The story of your loss and your grief is precious. Some situations deserve it and others don't." ~David Kessler

Sharing the story of your loved one is vital to your survival, your healing, and your long term health.

Unfortunately, you'll find many people aren't able to treat your grief and your story with the respect and attentiveness it deserves. 

Save your story for those people who can be trusted to handle it with care. And then, talk to them often. Tell them about your fears and failures, the blissful memories, the regrets and what if's.

When grief is shared and witnessed, it eases the pain and restores your soul

Some reminders of all the things you are:

- You are Loved

- You are Doing Beautifully 

- You are Deserving of Good Things

- You are Doing Important Work in the World

- You are Creative 

- You are On the Right Path

- You are Inspiring

- You are Making a Difference

- You are Wanted

- You are Irreplaceable 

- You are Perfectly Imperfect

- You are Becoming Something

- You are Going to Be Okay 

(Inspired by this post from @revelatori on IG)

Grief can make you feel TOO everything ... too tired, too afraid, too anxious, too different, too alone, too emotional, too overwhelmed.

And all this can lead to feeling paralyzed, unable to think or move or function.

To help in these moments, try the 5-4-3-2-1 method (care of Mel Robbins).

Count down slowly in your mind, 5-4-3-2-1. When you get to 1, get up and do any physical activity.

Walk around the block, walk around your house 3 times, do 30 air squats, hold a plank for 30 seconds, do 30 jumping jacks.

Get your blood moving and your brain will follow. And then, try to keep moving instead of heading back to bed or the couch.

Do the next thing in your day. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Go to work. Whatever's next. Keep using the method and stack a second action on to the first action, and then a third and so on. 

Each day you'll find you're able to do a little bit more

Healing is a process that happens underneath the surface, like roots. You can't see the roots but they are there, spreading and growing. 

Then all of a sudden a plant pops up and surprises you:

 You have a good day (there were a few rough moments but you got through them)

You enjoy watching a funny sitcom

You have plans for dinner and you're actually looking forward to them

If you've been wondering whether you're making progress, because it feels anything but, be assured, your healing is happening every day that you carry on, under the surface, spreading out like roots, and these roots will grow, support you, and surprise you.

A simple yet brilliant quote today from Michele Deville: 

"When you can - you will."

A heartbreaking loss disrupts everything in your life. And what used to be an ordinary activity suddenly feels like an insurmountable feat.

Whatever feels insurmountable to you right now, know that it's OK if you just don't do it.

It's OK if you don't:

go to the party

get out of bed

take a shower

cook dinner

decorate for Christmas

And there's no timeframe after which you are no longer allowed to give yourself grace. It may be 7 years after your loss, the HARD DAYS and seemingly insurmountable things will still occasionally come along. 

Be patient and gentle with yourself knowing, when you CAN, you WILL.