One afternoon, my typically upbeat client was having a Debbie Downer day. She spent our session re-visiting and mourning her abusive childhood, relationship betrayals, and health challenges.
I acknowledged and empathized with her… she had suffered quite a lot.
I asked, “Are you open to an idea or would you rather I sympathize and be supportive for now?” She said she was open to my idea.
After a pause to think about how best to say it, I said, “Sometimes the hardest things in life open our eyes, so we can see and prioritize the most important things.”
My client shrugged, “Yeah.” Unimpressed and uninspired.
But as I crossed the street to return home I thought what I’d said was pretty profound.
I used to believe “pain brings purpose” … like it was an automatic thing that would happen over the course of time.
Now I believe pain brings awareness and it forces you to think more about, and CARE more about, purpose.
But pain doesn’t automatically result in purpose. You have to put in significant work for that to happen.
If you want to feel bad forever, deep pain and trauma will certainly provide you with an excuse. But pain combined with a sense of eternal awareness and things beyond self … that is where growth happens and purpose is born.
A few months after I had this little “a-ha” moment, I read an article that reinforced my idea and I found there’s actual science behind it.
The term Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) was coined in the mid-1990s by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun.
Post-traumatic growth is a positive mental shift experienced as a result of trauma/adversity.
Even though I already knew this, I found it exciting to discover it’s a real thing backed by research.
I also found it exciting to know it’s not only my personal opinion, it’s a fact that the final word on loss is NOT a future filled with endless despair. You won't be stuck in grief forever.
You can experience significant growth and positive change, not in spite of trauma but BECAUSE of trauma.
I realize this MAY not seem like exciting news to you.
Maybe you're feeling SO NOT THERE yet... like a hollowed out husk of a human, incapable of contemplating growth, much less figuring out HOW to do it. In that case, you can at least have hope knowing, it’s possible.
The time will come when, because of your trauma, you’ll be able to:
experience more profound joy, gratitude, and compassion than ever before
be fully present and participating in your life
have more intimate and meaningful relationships
have a completely changed outlook and perspective on life
You may even find a new purpose in life. And that's as real as it gets. Definitely not rubbish.
🤓 To learn more about Post-Traumatic Growth , read these 2 in-depth articles from The Science of People and Psychology Today.
✅ For a list of excellent resources to aid and improve your personal growth, check out this post.
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