Do you completely freeze when someone casually says, as you sit watching your kids’ soccer game, “I wasn’t here last week because my mom died.” “Oh crap” moment right? You’re not alone… most people bungle conversations like this because they’re not prepared, having no information or meaningful personal experience on the topic of death. A friend…
Back when I worked in a cubicle (circa 1993), there was a bullet-shaped, mahogany particleboard desk dividing the space between me and my cubemate Mike. Mike was a good guy but he was LOUD. He frequently put headphones on and jammed out to his tunes, pounding on the desk like the drummer for Def Leppard,…
You know what’s crazy? People who say to someone in grief, “Call me if you need anything.” Why so crazy? Because there’s almost ZERO chance we’re going to call. Why? Lots of possible reasons …. So, to recap the problem. People offer us help, and we actually need help. But the “help” is never received because we don’t call…
One afternoon, my typically upbeat client was having a Debbie Downer day. She spent our session re-visiting and mourning her abusive childhood, relationship betrayals, and health challenges. I acknowledged and empathized with her… she had suffered quite a lot. I asked, “Are you open to an idea or would you rather I sympathize and be…
It all started when my dog chewed a golf-ball size hole in the living room rug. It’s hard to believe this little guy could do something so dastardly right? Look at him. I covered the hole with the heaviest book handy, The Action Bible, to keep him from making it bigger. Everyone in the family stepped…
A Near Miss The other night I was reading in bed, feeling hungry, despite having already indulged in Skinny Girl popcorn AND Choc Zero chocolate bark. So I got up to get some leftover pizza. First, I pulled off the pepperoni (the kids like it but it’s too greasy for my taste). Then I popped…
My dad died on my 46th birthday. You might think this would be traumatic or highly emotional or even a big bummer. But it was none of these things. From the outside looking in, you would think I didn’t care. He and I weren’t close … I grew up thinking he liked my sisters better…
Hard Things Are Inevitable So Get Comfortable Saying “I Need Help” Somehow I missed the fact that my daughter had turned YELLOW. She’d been deathly pale (from what we thought was a stomach bug) for a few days so when her color started to change, I thought that was a sign of improvement. But after…
Today I want to share some of my go-to resources for learning, growing, and living a fulfilling life. Some of these are grief/loss specific and some are just life in general. BOOKS PODCAST Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast : “Helping you live in a way today that will help you thrive tomorrow.”Don’t let the word “leadership”…
“How long until you feel better?” My sister asked me to have my therapist answer this question. It was about 2 or 3 months after my son passed away. She wanted to know so she could prepare herself for what to expect and also to know when to become concerned about me (i.e. if I…
I went back to work a week after my son died. I know that sounds crazy but staying busy was all I knew how to do. About a month after I’d been back — long after the initial sorrowful days of hugs and tears — the owner’s mom Ruth stopped by. I hadn’t seen her…
The day my son died, I fed him his early morning feeding at 5:30am and he went back to sleep. I was transitioning back to full-time at work so I had to wake him up at 7:30am and “top him off” before leaving to go to the sitter’s house. Since he had eaten at 5:30am…
